Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
