I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I need to calm my uterus...
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Randomize
