Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
