wakey wakey hands off snakey
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
This baby is an asshole
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
