I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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