The maid of honor just puked.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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