I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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