then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You are a genius and a whore.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize