He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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