So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You can't just leave with hair like that
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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