Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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