I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
