he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
