I want to have your abortion
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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