So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
