My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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