If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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