Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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