If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
