i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
