how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
