I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
