K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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