Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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