she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
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