and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
