So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It was a blind-side dick pic.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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