I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
