I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
