plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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