Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Randomize