It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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