the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
