he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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