You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
