yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
