Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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