Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
