Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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