I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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