I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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