He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
