Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
North Korea, Best Korea!
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
