I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
