There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
