Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
