his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
