Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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