Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
