A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
