I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
