Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
