i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
