Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
