I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
