South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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