I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
