My room smells like vodka and shame
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
