OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
