wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
