Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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