And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize