Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
