Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
