He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
